Hey guys, out there in the wide space of the internet. Its your girl Cc . I know it has been a while (over 4 years ) from my last post, but i didnt for get about you two (maybe only one, HI David) ppl out there that may ever read this. A lot has happened these past 4 years, but i dont want to bore you with all the details. But i just wanted to say hi and hopefully now (even thought it took me like 2 hours to remember my own blog name lol) I will be able to remember to post something, or anything on this this for my own enjoyment, or for the enjoyment for that person who may be randomly passing through this page , wondering why i am not on facebook or twitter like every other person out there. (btw I do have a facebook, darkchild639, and i do have a twitter, but i never use it.... maybe i will lol) But this blog is for me and to serve as my personal catharsis so enjoy... or whatever .... love you lots xoxox


Cc

long time...again...

hey fellow bloggers, i know its been a long time, and i am sorry. i have very lil internet access and things i have been so hectic lately. updates: I did get that house i was looking for, now all i need is for all the renovations to be done. i started back up at school but i hate all my classes (whats new) , and i've lost a lot of friends, but sometimes its just for the best. I guess when everything calms down...drama...construction... my life will be a lot better, and there will be a lot less hives. but for now it is just stress, bills, dead lines, bills, mortages, bills, class assignments, and did i forget to mention... BILLS!!!!!!!!!. But i will be back...so for now... much luve XOXOXOXOXO.

CC

A needed vacation

hey fellow bloggers, whats up? I am excited that my summer classes are now over, Now if only my job will pay me so i can have more than $3 in my account, and i would be a happy camper. :) Anyway all my projects are turned in (sort of) and all my finals are done, now i am on my way home for a funeral and a needed break from Philadelphia. Hopefully planning on getting some much needed rest, but with my luck that will not happen. Anyway, right now anywhere is better than here in Philadelphia, too much stress and drama. But Ill be back soon... Dont me miss to much. MUAH :)

sorry its been a while

hey whats up fellow bloggers, i know i havent been on here for a while but things have just been so crazy and hectic. The combination of summer school and work has been kicking my ass but im almost finished so thats good. I am also in the process of purchasing my first house. To think i cant by an acoholic beverage in this country but i can buy a house. I am actually trying to buy two houses but that might be a problem, but whatever the case i hope to have a house by the end of July..... actually i better have a house by the end of oJuly or im homeless....again. Anyway there has been a lot of changes in my life.. I think i came to a revelation that i am going to try to stop talking to guys, not that i am going to switch teams and become a lesbian, its just that i am going to take a breather. I realized how much time, effort, emotions i put into guys and it seems like a waste. No matter how nice you are to a guy they are just going to do you wrong anyway. i have been talking on and off with my ex fiance and nothing has changed we still fight and we cant get a long for more than a few hours. I am trying to back off this guy that i caught feelings for. I dont know I feel bad that i caught feelings for him, but i wouldnt have if he didnt lead me on to catching feelings for him. the whole situation was confusing. I already knew the end when we met, but i guess that didnt make it any easier. I knew he would just get bored of me eventually and find some skinnny bitch. Oh well i should have better things to occupy myself. I just feeel bad because it feels like i am loosing a friend. .....Actually we were probably never really friends anyhow. Dont get me wrong he was a great guy and he helped me through a lot, he was always there when i needed someone, and he always made me feel better when i was sad. But i cant say that we were friends, because i think back and its like what have i ever done for him. He has never came to me when he had problems, he went to his ex instead, so its like what kind of friend is that if the couldnt come to me. Anyway it doesnt matter , its in the past, and i realized the truth. And i also realized about west indian men and how trfiling they can be. My friend power from NY was supposed to come stay with me last weekend and this weekend. I saw him in Ny last week and it was cool, but this weekend he wanted to come at some strange hour after work and he expected me to have cooked food ready when he got there, no beef, no pork. Ya serious, me ras....i just told him to forget it and he can stay in NY. I guess the only reason i was trying to talk to him is because it is nice to meet another Guyanese (that is not related to you) as well as he is a great great contractor that does faboulous work especially in restoration... and i wanted him to fix up my house, but now i dont even think its really worth all this stupidness. Anyway life is confusing and i am trying to figure out how to do this video documentary that is due in about an hour. Until later.. Much luv and respect ~1~

If life were perfect

If life were perfect i would be a size 5, with Halle Berry's Body , D cups and rich chocolate thighs.
If life were perfect I would have my PHD, be a doctor, rich and succesful and all my lovely degrees
If life were perfect I would be married to Mr right, will all my beautiful children, and my man beside me each night.
If life was perfect I would be so happy, But if life were perfect I wouldnt be me.
I wouldnt have the complicate and unique personality, I wouldnt be the big and beautiful woman u now see.
I would be without the struggles and experience i now have, I probably wouldn't be as sad.
Yet, i wouldnt be as thankful for the blessings that I recieve, And i wouldnt learn as much from the pain and hurt I now leave.
If my life was perfect I would not be here , but would anyone really care ?

My spoken word

My spoken word is about heartfelt stories, about true life experiences, about the struggle and and pain through every day of every hour, of every minute and second , of every single breath that i take towards the next. My spoken word is about the little surprises and blessings that god can give when u think there is nothing left for u. It is about the happiness that comes with the pain, the tears that come with rain, the same story and bullshit again and again. My spoken word is about pride and prejudice to fall at the perils of love, it is about the deep rooted passions that blind my everyday judgement. It is about the lesson learned the hard way, and the ones that is appreciated over time. My spoken word is about what i, see , what i feel, what I know. And also about what i would like to ondeay achieve. Spilling the contents of my mind, of my sould, heavy and burdened by the passing tolls that life gives me, and i take, and it takes from me as i give. Shit.. my spoken is untold as a silent night with whispers drowned about by the moonlight. It is the fire within me, that constantly gets lit out, and relit again and again and again, until the phoneix within me rises from my ahses. To u this might seem like some rambling bullshit...and maybe it is. But this bullshit, this ramble, this continution of words, of thoughts, feelings, and meanings is mine and only mine.. This is my spoken word

Hey everyone....well not really everyone, because no one reads this except for..... anwyay hi to anyone who accidentally stumbled here. Not much of a view but the convo can be cool sometimes... sorry this might not be one of the times. Kinda of tired and relieved. Pageant is over, and I did ok. Scored 3rd out of 6.. Proves that big girl can triumph over skinny bitches, especially models. No regrets, just relief. Oh Good movie to see Phat Girlz with my girl Monique. I love her, and I loved the movie, I am just mad that it was trying to emulate me. lol... anyway it was a good movie, and I do have the bootleg if anyone would like to borrow. Also another good movie to see (despite some opposing thoughts and views) Madea's family reunion. Even if ur not a fan of madea or are not that familiar with her, I still believe that the movie is a good thing to see. She is in it for a lil bit but not that much and sexy Boris is in it, ....do i need to say more. Anyway i should be getting back to work...but i think i will. go check my 5 e-mail accounts and myspace. Until next time...