kissing the lips

One thing i enjoy more than anything is kissing. If it was up to me i can kiss all day. I dont konw something about it just makes me happy. But what i hate is when i meet someone, talk to someone, date someone, or are in a relationship with someone....in the beginning the kissing is great. Even if the person cant kiss the kissing is still intense. There is so much feeling to the kiss even if the person bites u or slobers all over u it is still great because there is a lot of passion in it. then after a while the kisses become more and more infrequent. Then they become pecks on the lips, followed by pecks on the cheek, until they are finally gone. Why is that? This is not for anyone personally but i just realize a trend in guys, and that is what happens. I dont know, is it my breath stinks, or they just dont like or care enough to kiss anymore? I would really like to know so i can change that. And i also realized that it is not only with kissing but it is with other things like going down on a girl. At first its like "ok baby, whenever..ill do it" then it changes to "you do me and i do u." Then its like every 3 or 4 times u do me....ill think about doing u. Until it never happens again. I know i taste good i have tasted myself (long story) so i know that is not the problems. What is it with guys? Do they just get lazy? or do they realize that know i have it i dont have to work as hard? If that is the case. I think i am going to start boycotting. If i dont get a kiss on my lips...whichever they choose....then no nothing mister. Again this is for noone in particular it is just a general statement and observation that has been occuring for some time now. Anyway, i promise that the person i choose to talk to, be in a relationship with, or settle down with, i would be able to kiss them whenever i want, however i want. until later
XOXOXOXOXOXOXXO (MUAH)

how much can my brain take ..AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

hey yall,


Right now its the beginning of crunch time. Paegent is coming up next weekend, i have my "cultural wear", and my formal wear... now it is time to practice the dance sequence, and my talent, as most importanly the questions. and if this is not hard enough to do, I forgot about my classes being in the way. And my professors loved me so much that this week, the days that i have practice, i have at least tow exams each day. no quizszes, but exams. So now my days and nights are filled with trying to to fall on the triple turn with the hand movments, and finding the right molecular euqation to help synthesize the complex trans 2 methylcyclopentanol by 85% production rate (by the way it is an alkyl borane intermediate from 1 methylcyclopentane: i hate organic), while tyring to remember all the notes of longing for by jah cure, and the fact that i am contestant # 6 , 20 years old, my major: anthropological human biology and criminal justice, representing the "land of many waters" Guyana, Not having to forget the ion pathways and the different inhibitors of the something something channel that helps lead to parkisons disease in a cosmetic form of heorine ( as u can see i still need to study) , and not to forget how do I purpose to eradicate violence in the caribbean if i had the chance by also knowing the relations of guyana to Britian, the US, and caricom. Damn it i forget about the lymphatic, immune, respitaory and digestive systems of humans and pigs. I hate my life right now, more so my brain than my life. But hey someones got to do it and hold it down to represent Guyana. Now only if i can get some sleep, some more lost episodes, and some other extra activities in my life, i will be fine. Until later, or until my head explodes. Keep God in your thoughts and love in your heart (lol i actually sound some what of a optimist with that .....lol :) ......those who know me would def. disagree)

my guyana

started writing so here goes.... "Im and artist and im sensitive about my shit " Erykah Badu live......................................................................................................................... down through the rivers and over the tree tops, that is where my heart lies. Through roaming waters and and smiling faces around the coconut and mango trees through bush and wild life alike, i find my peace. Where the people are are as varied and colorful as the wonderful flowers and lilies that plague the ground floor, and where nightfall brings wonderful music from the animals and insects that greet us. When rain falling on the in roof tops sing a lullaby for me to sleep and the tropical weather wraps me like a blanket. Oh too familiar times of black outs and fun nights by candle light, when going to market and greeted by taxis, merchants, and sellers alike, but excitement is my entertainment of the bustling people that go by. Going through the the bush and trees to the sparkling Kaiteur waterfalls. This is where my heart lies, this is where my soul can really soar and fly free with the familiar faces of my people. This is my past, this is my future, this is my home, this is my Guyana.

monoply

Last night, me my housmate and my landlord had another episode of drunken monoply, too bad none of us were drunk or even close to it. But it was still fun. i miss the days of weekly monoply night. Its so much fun to buy up all the property and then screw the other people in the game. But the thins that I love about Monoply your luck can change so quickly, Its anybody game, there is no way to master the game and have a better chance at winning unless you cheat, and it could go on forever. And last night or shall i say 6 a.m this morning it went on. Still didnt get any sleep but oh well i had fun.. Now to go nap at work and hopefully not in class.

sleep

i just want to sleep.... i just want to sleep...i just want to sleep...i just want to sleep....i just want to sleep....i just want to sleep (get the picture)

West indian men

Why are west indian men so complicated...? Growing up and around west indian men, i found out, for the most part that they are very controlling, and always have to have it their way. From my father, to my uncles, grandfathers, cousins, friends, and ex boyfriends, i have learned that west indian me are just stubborn and childish. For example, i just recently got into a fight with a friend of mine (suprisingly 100% guyanese and not related to me...whats the odds) anyway... it started out silly arguing over who gets their way me or him. And he really got upset because he couldnt get his way around me. Is it me or do west idian women, women in general, or people in genral spoil these men to the point that they always do get their way? i cant understand it. My whole life most of the west indian men in my life (if not all) got their way and lived the whatever extremes that they wanted, leaving us west indian women left to suffer the consequences of their actions. I dont understand how and why west indian men always have to get their way, and if they cant they will get it any how and act stubborn about it until they do. They are also really big on womanizing and having multiple women around. I dont get it. In Guyana most men that i knew of had their wives at home, and their girlfriends in the apartment around the corner...if they could afford it. Most west indian men in my life have lived like this. And that is one of the major reason why i cant go live in Guyana. But it worked out for the man, and as long as he go his way that is how it was. I love my beautiful proud west indian men, but when they carry on they way they do, this is why i have to turn to americans or asians, because they cant cut it....i am not even going to get into the african thing, never ever ever....unless it was a lot of money for a green card, but even still i might not.... maybe? Anyway it is time for out west indian men to change, be a bit more open, accepting, not pig headed and obnoxious at times. Have one women and treat her with the same respect you show your mom. And maybe then i can think about being proud of having a proud west indian son one day.

NY

hey blogger fans,

Im back. Just got back actually from Ny this morning and i am tired as hell. I actually had a good time yesterday in NY with a new friend, but i had hell to pay when i got back home. My mother go so worried, because i turned off my phone that she contacted every family member in the northeast coast of this country trying to locate me. Funny thing is if i was back in philly and left for NY, she would have no problem with it. Parent....they are really funny, anyway i know it was out of love, and she just wanted to know that i wasnt raped or dead, understandable I guess. Still have writers block for this next poem, and i know noone reads this so i really dont see the point in asking the non existent readers for feedback, but i guess i put it out there. Well i have to get back to wrok and then off to class. TTYL

poetry

you know what i miss more than sleep and reading....... writing poetry. It helped me get out thoughts and feelings that i had. But i have had writer's block for some time now. One thing i do remember about writing poetry is that, 75% of my poetry was about love. And since i am in a new place in life, i would like to get some other ideas and topics about poetry other than that subject. Too fickle love is and not part of my life as of this moment.... so if anyone actually reads this maybe you can help me think up some ideas to help break my writers block. Maybe if your nice, i might even post some of my poetry, but...probably not. I am too shy and my own worst critic to actually publicize my poetry, but who knows. Well i guess its back to the books and work for me. Until later ......

a new day

hey guys,

Today i rushed back from my mom's house in jersey, to work in philly. While i am beating traffic and racing in my "83" volvo, a guy cuts me off, happens a lot usually i just speed off cut them off and drive like 15mph just to piss them off, but what saved his life was that a really good song i haven't heard in a while made my day and made me feel happy. "Beauty" by dru hill. Now how come songs cant be like that anymore. They are a few songs out now that are pretty ok, like Keisha Cole love and Neo so sick, but what happened to my black street, SWV, the old 112, sould for real, jodeci, the old new edition, Total, Tevin Campbell, John B, aaliayah, lil vicious, Xscape, and many others. But you know who i cant forget, the people who made one of my favorite songs, Shai "if i ever fall in love" I just want to go home and play it right now. Any way i just miss the days of better music, especially better rap and reggae, but i dont think i have the time to devulge into that issue. anyway i guessi should get back to work. ~1~

dating... :(

hey yall, i know it has been a while and i apologize. Due to my lack of internet access i have not been able to post as soon as i would like.But anyway.... ineresting weekend. I finall y finished all my exams, so i celebrated by sleeping all day. Wne to the art musuem for the first with a friend of mine, and had a great time, and then had to rush back home to help my mom with something. i have been rethinking this whole dating thing. i guess i am not used to it but i am trying. It just seems that as soon as i want to get back in the mix there is nothing left in the koolaid besides the little clumps in the bottom no one likes to drink. i dont know u am just so new to this whole scene. I have been in relationships so long, i gues i forgot the whole aspect of courting. Happy that i am almost over this whole breakup thing the only thing i really want is not answers but my David Chapelle dvd back. Conatacted him, and he says hell give it back but i doubt it. Anyway why is it when guys approach me or "try to spit game" it seems so usless and pathetic. I guess with this whole getting a self esteem i also got some standards, but now i am wondering if they are too high. Is it too much to ask for for a guy with some sense, hopefully some formal education and or a job that isnt part time "aroudn the way" work. Or too hard to find someone who is not just recently out from jail/prison, or a half way house. i would just like to find someone to just hang out with or chill without sex being a factor. I guess i dont want to rely too much on one person for fear of making the same mistakes i have in the past (thinking too much into it and making a relationship of off nothing) and try to find some male fiends. I had so many in the past, but i guess that was pre-standards, and when they knew they had to live up to my 2 rules ( anyone who knows me knows my 2 rules, and if you dont you can just guess.) But they all went away when a big scary man scared them away. They are starting to trickle back now, but drunk and to my dismay not up to these newly stadards. i dont know maybe my standards are too high, maybe before i got level with this whole self esteem have too much of it, but i doubt that. I would just like to meet someone that is on the same level as me, not too high, not too low, just someone with something in common rather than living in philly and witnessing that last shoot out at the bodega the other day. i dont know male friends are always more fun and easier than female friends, i guess that is why i have so few of them today. i dont know maybe i should just give up this dating thing it is too hard and just get married to someone that is just ok, for fear of failure. I miss not having to worry about stuff like finding male friends or causual relationships. Any way it doesnt matter, more time to focus on school and work, and maybe just maybe my steel pan, if i ever get over that nervousness around them and playing in public. Another gig this sunday so pray for me, kinda of nervous. But the other people do not know much about pan so hopefully it wont be so bad. any gtg ... ~goodnite~

school sux 1

Im finally finished all my midterm examinations....or so i thougt. I forgot that i had a paper due on wensday so when i finish that and turn it in i will finally be done. I dont know why but it seems the more that i stay in school the more out of focus i get. I dont know if i have something but all i want to do is sleep, and i have a tendency to pass out at night instead of going to bed. Ahhh i miss the days of freshman and sophomore year, when i could take 17 credits being in 3 diffrent groups and organizations, have 2 jobs, go out and party and drink, study for all my classes, and still have time to relax, have a relationship and friends, and sleep at night (well at least for 3 hours) ahhh to be young again. Now i do have 3 jobs, i am only part of 1 organization no relationship, no friends, only 16 credits and i still dont have enough for proper sleep, studying, or to go out. i dont know whats wrong with me. Oh well only a day and a half more and i will be done for spring break. And what great getaway do i get to go to....................Work right here in freezing philly. Its ok, while my friends are on some great warm island getting drunk and having random encounters i can be here working, studying and cleaning... fun fun fun. Hey if it gets warmer i might even do some exploring of philadelphia. So many people promised to take me around, but never got a chance because their schedules got to busy. So i might just go along and do some exploring on my own (So if you dont hear from me again tel my mom i love her) granted the only place i know is south st, broad st, maybe where the art musuem is, and all the malls. who knows. I just hope i dont go shopping which i know i will. Any way i should be getting back to work...lol yea right. ill probably write again today. Until then.. stay blessed.